August 13, 2009



what is it? is it being there for that person when they need someone to talk to? is it riding out with them when the shit hits the fan, being right there as their support and confidant, pumping them full of positivity and yet maintaining balance by releasing some air with realness?

or is it physically being there, physically supporting them through everything- every game, recital, activity, area of life, event, etc?

is it taking the heat in order to be with them and there for them?


or is it a combination of all three- a solid combination of all of the above, a conglomerate that create the deepest relationships that time and distance never affect?

life teaches you a lot about yourself every day.

I've been a bad one.
So i answered that question by looking at my parents...they've been physically mentally and spiritually there at all times...they've hauled ass to get to my events and be physically present, they've lost energy and spent millions of hours mentally stimulating me, feeding me every lesson they possible have in their reservoir of knowledge. and through both of these things, they have always been spiritually present in my heart. they are my spirit.

mind, body, and soul.
without one, the others lose strength or are nonfunctional.

with my friends, i try to always be there for their mind. i call myself the 'clutch' friend- i'm not always there when you call but im always on time. i will be the one that takes 4 hours the night before a final to talk to you about an issue. i.ll wake up at 3 in the morning to dissect problems and situations, because i genuinely care about my friends and their wellbeing. i you send me an SOS or 911 text, I WILL BE THERE. we could have not spoken for years, but as soon as im alerted, i am right there without questions or fail. because if you are my friend, i love you. point blank, period. and if u are my friend, i know that you would do that for me, which is what i need and appreciate most from my friends.

here's the glitch in my matrix. as someone put it tonight, im inconsistent. i have had boyfriends who played sports, and i would be late to their games (one thing i am consistant w/ is my arrival time: late lol). a lot of my friends don't see me because i'm doing this or doing that. and that affects many of those relationships. interesting though, the closest ones, for some reason, it doesnt. my best friend somehow understands that if i dont see him all summer, he can come over and spend the night whenever he wants. (but exception spotted- because for my bffl's events, i am there no questions asked).
my closest friends at school are basically the same way- i love seeing them and spending time with them, but even if i don't i know that they are there for me and vice versa. i support them as much as possible, for any big gigs.

and by boyfriends, the ones that i have loved or consider my partners- they're different. that's a physicallity that is needed. not even on a sexual tip, but i need them there, i want to be with them, i loveee being with them.

maybe this comes into play when the afforementioned are alligned. but i've never thought about soul connections when speaking about friends. that's usually relationships but im sure it still applies to friends. those incredibly deep and unbreakable realtionships that even death can't erase. i guess my best friend is like that. and parents exemplify that also.

so i need to start working on that body aspect.
because it too is crucial.

July 5, 2009

a new day....

wow...last post was April 15th and it's now June crazy! its funny how much things have (and haven't) changed since that last post...

summer 09 has been interesting so far...think i may get back to posting on here, at least more music...yea definitely more music lol....that's pretty much what i'm trying to dedicate my summer to....

so brb, when i think of something worth writing =)

April 15, 2009

Love vs. Attention- a Remix

sorry i've been is killing me .

but this has affected me so much that i had to share...
God sends His answer to your prayers and concerns in the funniest ways sometimes...He had to tell me about myself right here....

and He found the correct medium through which to do it.
funny how changing one word can change the song and it's affect.

Love vs. Attention
a remix of The Dream's Love vs. Money
by Rashad Campbell

he took my shawty
he took my girl
he took the any and everything out my world
he took my heart from me
he took my soul
i should've known money couldn't match [attention].
you cant say that i really just [ignored ya]
[over every break,you embraced me whenever i asked if i could touch ya]
quit acting like im the only one to blame
didnt hear you scream
when you were trippin off my [company]
and now im left here, to clean up your dirty laundry.

so kiss that niqqa.
hug that niqqa.
[attention] that niqqa to death.

in time you'll see the problem's yourself.

cuz when [attention's] your problem.
nothing can solve it.

cuz when [attention's] your problem.
[Love] can't solve it

[to her attention's a must]
she stays on the run.
you give her Love
she want's Attention
you give her Attention
she's back at Love

April 7, 2009


Melanie Fiona

im feeling her!

Singer/songwriter Melanie Fiona’s debut album The Bridge reveals a sweet push-and-pull between countless elements of herself. At once Canadian and Caribbean, strong and sexy, contemplative and joyous, blending the sounds of pop and soul. Despite the many moods and musings of Melanie Fiona’s debut, there is one defining element. The girl’s got soul. "The album is called The Bridge," enthuses Fiona. "It crosses the barriers between ethnicities, genres, age groups, and genders. It can’t be defined as just one thing. It’s got a soul that’s something old, yet something new." The album reflects the duality that asserts itself in Melanie Fiona’s own exuberant personality.



i know im late but AHHH!!
sooooo excited. this will help me get through the semester.

Pride & Prejudice

one of the few LitHum books that i LOVE!!

Pride & Prejudice
by Jane Austen

so instead of reading 184 pages last night, i watched the movie and read (up to page 36) at the same time. i LOVE the movie, and love this book.

it's set in the British countryside in the 1800s, and is centered around the Bennet family, and the marital woes of their 5 daughters. Elizabeth (the 2nd to eldest daughter) is the protagonist, and she is an opinionated, confident and intelligent young woman. She refuses to not speak her mind out of respect for someone's feelings or class, so her interactions with the upperclassmen (who think she is plain and inferior) are incredibly funny and bold. When two immensely wealthy (and, single!) young gentleman, Mr. Bingly and Mr. Darcy, come to town, the Bennet family is intent on having their daughters marry one of these men. At a ball, a Mr. Bingly is smitten with the eldest Bennet daughter, Jane, who is the most beautiful girl in the town. Elizabeth tries to approach Mr. Darcy,but he is a cold, arrogant man, and due to his superiority complex, he is quite short with Elizabeth and other party goers. He even insults Elizabeth while speaking to Mr. Bingly.
This party is the start of their apparently hateful relationship, but something more develops as the story goes on. As Mr. Darcy spends more time with Elizabeth, due to Jane and Mr. Bingly's growing love, a new side of Mr. Darcy comes out. This strong, proud and beautiful side is revealed as he falls for the spirited Elizabeth, and she for him.

it's quite a love story!!!
you should definitely check it out, especially the movie, because the movie is beautifully done and well acted. It does not stray far from the book at all.

Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy

one of the beautiful homes that they used in the movie

Elizabeth and Jane

April 6, 2009

it's the risk that i'm taking
i ain't never gonna shut you out.
i swore i'd never fall again
but this don't even feel like falling.
gravity can't begin
to pull me back to the ground again.

baby i can feel your halo.
pray it won't fade away.

Halo - Beyonce

two can play this game.

fuck it all.

you're good.
so i'm good.

great, glad the problem's been resolved.

"Free yourself of the responsibility of trying to make other people happy. Respect and love them enough to allow them to take care of their own happiness."


when you love someone...
you just don't treat them bad
oh how i feel so sad
now that i wanna leave
how could i let this be?
i just need time to see
where i wanna be

the love that we share is real...
but in time your heart will heal
i'm not saying i'm gone
but i....
have to find what life is like
without you

i don't mean to hurt you baby
-donnell jones

i hate that i hurt you.
tell me how to right this
let me comfort you
because i can't handle this stage.
i can't and i knew i never could.

nEw mUsiC

so im feeling this goes with my attitude right now of not giving a f@#!...summertime fly...

but one question about ciara- does anyone else feel like we've heard all of her stuff before? idk, i feel like there's no artist progression, no development, and it seems like she's incapable of having any other sound but that like airy, im-talking-no-im-not, lighter but still nice voice. i just want to see something different from her, because i feel like she could be bigger than she is...just waiting for it...

Kiss My Swag - Ciara

and just saw weezy's new mixtape, so i.ll listen to that and get back to you...but i loveee this beat, the lyrics are whatev but i would jam with the instrumental alone...

Does What She Does - Lil Wayne & Juelz Santana

enjoy loves =)

My Next Buy...or one of them...

so I'm on this whole "The Secret" tip, even though I haven't even read the book...but I'm buying it tomorrow.

so anywho...they were talking about money, and said:

-Speak, act, and think from the mindset of being wealthy now. Eliminate thoughts and words of lack such as "I can't afford it", "It is too expensive"-


so- next buy:

dont cop my shit.
even though the summer's hot as f*@!
Ima find a way to rock these.

and next, these!

Fancy - The-Dream

The Secret: Relationships


Every single relationship you have is a reflection of how you feel inside about you. You are a magnet attracting to you all things, via the signal you are emitting through your thoughts and feelings. Every relationship you have and every interaction with every person, is a reflection of your own thoughts and feelings in that very moment.

To Transform Every Single Relationship in Your Life

Fall in love with YOU!

Make lists of hundreds and hundreds of wonderful things about you. Keep adding to it every day.

Know that you are perfect. Do not think any negative thoughts about you.

Know that you are worthy and deserving of anything and everything you could possibly want in your life.

Focus on the wonderful things in every person. Look for only those things.

Do not blame or criticize anybody, ever.

Set an intention that you are going to see the best in everything and everyone.

Make your happiness the number one thing in your life. Happiness is an inside job.

Free yourself of the responsibility of trying to make other people happy. Respect and love them enough to allow them to take care of their own happiness.

Get your attention off those things in others that don't make you feel good.

Appreciate and love yourself in every moment you can.

Do not expect others to behave in a way you want, so you will be happy. Release yourself forevermore and know that you alone control your happiness and it is a choice, no matter what anyone else is doing.

Love and respect yourself completely.

Know that you are perfect right now.

April 4, 2009

had to make sure yall know the deal right quick...
bring it home yall!!!!!

it's funny how things change

hopefully one day we'll look back on this and laugh
i have no idea when that time will be because it just
for wounds to even begin healing in a week, babe
i just want you to be happy
and im sorry that i cant be that person right now
im sorry that i am who i am
and do what i do
and hurt you in the meantime. i swear
i swear
i don't mean to.

i just want to love you but
now's not the time to love
im sorry.
i wish you would speak to me again, i wish that things wouldn't change, i wish that things
didn't change but
they did. we both did.

two woods diverged in a yellow wood,
and sorry I could not
travel both.
-Robert Frost

Keri Hilson - Energy Video - Keri Hilson

Check this Chick out!

so I was mad confused about what exactly "blogging" is, and if i'm supposed to be writing about life or something in particular or music blah blah blah

but this chic showed me the light (lol)

girlfriend's hott, love how she does it
some stuff is mad random but it's still interesting! and i think that randomness is the best part

so we'll see if this means changes for me. idk, i dont have that much goin on in my life
to post everyday...or maybe i do...=)

April 1, 2009


Being inebriated to the point of not remembering things that you said and did is all well-and-dandy...
when you're a quiet inebriated perso
and when you like things like that.

but being that I am not quiet when I am drunk and I am rather reserved, the stories that I have been hearing have been extremelyy embarrassing. A few of them, so you may know what others had to deal with (since everyone here at school bore witness)

-falling 4- yes, FOUR- times. once was in the street.
-shouting my personal business around the entire party
-jetting across Broadway and thus almost being hit by three lanes of traffic that had just received the green light.

how i felt about my condition:

and then, I got an attitude with the one person that, throughout the whole night, stayed with me to make sure I didn't kill myself, tried to reason with me when I was being unreasonable, and was incredibly patient with me. More patient that I could have been with myself.


That's all that will be revealed about him, for now. But a song, that makes me smile everytime I hear it, because I think of him. And our crazy night of him protecting me from the ground and holding me close that night.

Summer time!

Beautifulll day today in the NYC! Blue skies, cumulus clouds......just made me anxious for the summer time.

hot sidewalks
cool parks
the wind around your legs

oh how i can't wait to bring out the skirts....=)

so...MY current pics for tracks that should be on your ipod this summer as you lounge poolside or ride in your golf carts or file paperwork at a boring internship....(its a long list, but all great songs)

Summer Soundtrack (Part 1):

typical track:
FloRida ft. Neyo: Be On You

cute lil track right here! Something to sing along to as you get ready to go out for the afternoon, or chillin out on Kelly Drive...

attitude track:
Latoya Luckett- She Ain't Got Shit on Me

love her attitude on this track, i actually like this one a lot...
still working on my mp3 links, sorry!

durty south track:
Dorrough Music: Walk that Walk

although i wouldn't condone this up north on a regular a pair of bad a$ stilettos at a club, i would love this

bang- this- in- your- car- at- 3- in- the- morning track:
Weezy: Cuff your Chick

this track, anytime anywhere. hands down love thissss

March 31, 2009

so...first post. done out of necessity, boredom, stress, procrastination- who knows. But may this first post live forever in infamy...

first topic:

love deferred.

on the eve of decision day, when anxiety racked high school seniors hear back from their potential colleges...deferment is my topic, my focus, my realization.

his love, my love, our love, deferred for various reasons

for reasons that i first suggested but grapple with daily. constant reminders from life arise, confirmations of the fact that yes, this was a good decision. that i was right, that we do not need to be together right now.

and we don't. this i know.

so we deferred. no rejection, no acceptance- just deferred.

until he realized that a rejection was what he needed in order to move on from his first choice for college, that kept looking at his application in comparison with many others,
and contemplating, judging, weighing. back and forth. no, he could not do this, he needed a divorce from this, a separation from this process of time and emotions and cruelty. he needed to reject me, me who deferred (yet rejected) him.

so today was my first day of rehab. to wean myself fully off of him, and it seems, end everything. so that i can keep him from some pain, by allowing him time to recover and reject. no more suspended deferment. since i could not accept.

soundtrack: (click to hear)

Fade Away- Gaelle

Gaelle: my favorite artist- Trance/Blues/Rythem/Amazing- she's been around for a minute, you should definitely check her out.
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