August 13, 2009



what is it? is it being there for that person when they need someone to talk to? is it riding out with them when the shit hits the fan, being right there as their support and confidant, pumping them full of positivity and yet maintaining balance by releasing some air with realness?

or is it physically being there, physically supporting them through everything- every game, recital, activity, area of life, event, etc?

is it taking the heat in order to be with them and there for them?


or is it a combination of all three- a solid combination of all of the above, a conglomerate that create the deepest relationships that time and distance never affect?

life teaches you a lot about yourself every day.

I've been a bad one.
So i answered that question by looking at my parents...they've been physically mentally and spiritually there at all times...they've hauled ass to get to my events and be physically present, they've lost energy and spent millions of hours mentally stimulating me, feeding me every lesson they possible have in their reservoir of knowledge. and through both of these things, they have always been spiritually present in my heart. they are my spirit.

mind, body, and soul.
without one, the others lose strength or are nonfunctional.

with my friends, i try to always be there for their mind. i call myself the 'clutch' friend- i'm not always there when you call but im always on time. i will be the one that takes 4 hours the night before a final to talk to you about an issue. i.ll wake up at 3 in the morning to dissect problems and situations, because i genuinely care about my friends and their wellbeing. i you send me an SOS or 911 text, I WILL BE THERE. we could have not spoken for years, but as soon as im alerted, i am right there without questions or fail. because if you are my friend, i love you. point blank, period. and if u are my friend, i know that you would do that for me, which is what i need and appreciate most from my friends.

here's the glitch in my matrix. as someone put it tonight, im inconsistent. i have had boyfriends who played sports, and i would be late to their games (one thing i am consistant w/ is my arrival time: late lol). a lot of my friends don't see me because i'm doing this or doing that. and that affects many of those relationships. interesting though, the closest ones, for some reason, it doesnt. my best friend somehow understands that if i dont see him all summer, he can come over and spend the night whenever he wants. (but exception spotted- because for my bffl's events, i am there no questions asked).
my closest friends at school are basically the same way- i love seeing them and spending time with them, but even if i don't i know that they are there for me and vice versa. i support them as much as possible, for any big gigs.

and by boyfriends, the ones that i have loved or consider my partners- they're different. that's a physicallity that is needed. not even on a sexual tip, but i need them there, i want to be with them, i loveee being with them.

maybe this comes into play when the afforementioned are alligned. but i've never thought about soul connections when speaking about friends. that's usually relationships but im sure it still applies to friends. those incredibly deep and unbreakable realtionships that even death can't erase. i guess my best friend is like that. and parents exemplify that also.

so i need to start working on that body aspect.
because it too is crucial.